I’m not entirely sure how any of us have ever gotten laid.
One of my coworkers just told four of us the story of how he stole a car when he was 16.
It went something like this:
“Yeah, my friends and were driving around in my shitty car getting stoned, and we see this car in the front yard in the neighborhood with a ‘for sale’ sign on it. I went to check to see if they left the keys in the car, and they did, so we hopped in it and drove across the border from Michigan to Indiana, went to Steak ‘n’ Shake, and returned it the same night. The owners never noticed. It wasn’t until later that I realized that I committed grand theft auto and took a stolen car across state lines.”
We’re all slackjawed and silent in awe of the stupidity, when one of my other coworkers breaks the silence with:
“Wait. Steak ‘n’ Shake. Are you telling me they have steaks AND shakes there?”
The weather in San Francisco has been unbelievable lately, so I’ve been spending a ton of time outside. I feel so lucky to live here.
I’ve recently gotten into running because I’m an idiot who hates myself and I want to revive my running playlist. Can you help? Say you can help.
This weekend was absolutely beautiful and we were dogsitting Spoon the beagle, so naturally, we took him to the beach with a bunch of friends. A+ times all around.
- Tornadoes/snow occurring simultaneously in the midwest in April
- Sinkhole in Chicago
- Flooding in Chicago
- Geysers in Chicago and Russia
- Snail invasion in Florida
- Fertilizer plant explosion in Texas
- Glee gets renewed for two more seasons
Been working on some personal lists lately.
My mom watches her neighbors’ dog all the time (who is a straight-up clone of our family dog who died last year) and she sent me this picture today saying that he has to wear a t-shirt now because he has a skin problem.
Anyway, none of that really matters, here’s a cute dog.
An Awesome Wave
- 69 plays
Same goes for “White History Month.”
I took [unnamed SF ride sharing service] home from work just now because I was hauling a giant box home, and right when as we got within a block of my apartment, there two Comcast vans blocking the street that I live on so we couldn’t get through.
My driver goes “hold on” and jumps out of the car to analyze the situation. He jumps back in, drives into a driveway on the right, DRIVES ON THE SIDEWALK for several feet, and comes back out from another driveway onto the street to pass the Comcast cars.
He then started singing “This Is How We Do It” while waving his hands in the air.
Welp, looks like I’m not moving to a new apartment anytime soon! As I always say, you can drag me out of there in a body bag.
Anyway, here’s my answer to the “should I move to San Francisco?” question I get a lot.
Ugh dammit my friend got me with a really sick burn today.
This weekend I hiked through Muir Woods to get to Nature Friends Tourist Club (yes, that’s really the name), which is essentially a bar in the middle of the forest in some mountains.
It’s only a 30-minute drive from SF (plus a 30-minute-to-2-hour hike, depending on which route you take), so if you can, you should definitely do it. It was like being part of a drunk Swiss Family Robinson party.
Old man in front of me:
*looks at me, does double take*
Excuse me, young lady.
If I live long enough, all the girls in the world will end up being taller than me.
Haha, yes, we're definitely getting taller.
Do you ever intimidate men with your height?
I sure try to! Especially at work!
Ha ha! *knee slap* Good for you!
*throws head back, does evil Ursula laugh*